But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
