Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
