think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
