He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bring money and cleavage
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
