the condom got lost in my hair
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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