i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
