Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
