He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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