i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would ride that face into the sunset
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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