It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
