Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
