Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
