I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
