How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
