I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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