are you still at the devil's house?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
