Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
