I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
