So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
