do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
