Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
