i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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