I am spending my child support on dildos
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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