my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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