I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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