so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
