I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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