That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
