neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
