I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
