Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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