I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
