There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
