I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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