you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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