we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
