I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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