I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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