What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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