tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
