I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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