Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
