4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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