wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
