Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
did i just pee glitter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
