i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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