I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
