thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
