is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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