I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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