I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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