why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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