I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
