i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
