I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
