Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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