We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
