I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need a beard to bite.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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