And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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