Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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