He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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