remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
