i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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