he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
