I wish I only lived at night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
