i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize