Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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