If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do herpes really smell.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
