I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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