A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
dude. I can hear the air.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
