my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
